The most powerful aphrodisiacs are within you

The Most Powerful Aphrodisiacs Are Within You

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The Most Powerful Aphrodisiacs Are Within You

The most powerful aphrodisiacs are within you, and being aware of it can not only facilitate the management of your own sexual arousal, but the others’ too. It is fascinating how something so handy -we have it within us-, we go to look for it in the form of substances that do not work or their efficiency is low. Especially when compared with the aphrodisiacs that I’m going to describe. It certainly has to do with the general habit of seeking out what we have inside. Thus avoiding the encounter with ourselves, and giving priority to having instead of being. They combine perfectly among them, creating even more powerful and sophisticated aphrodisiacs.

First I’m going to describe those resulting from an equation that at least can be considered surprising, as Jack Morín shows in his excellent book, “The Erotic Mind”.


Most people are not aware, although they have experienced it. They don’t know  but have “suffered” it. There is always some difficulty to overcome and, if not any, the arousal source here would be surprise or anticipation, another great aphrodisiacs. But in most “horny states” we will find any of these aphrodisiacs related to obstacles:


Thinking of someone or in a situation, feeling desire and wait. Remember and wish it to happen again. Fantasizing and hope for… They are different forms of longing. Craving is undoubtedly one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs. Repeat and repeat the thought increases the desire, and the desire creates more thoughts. A loop of passion that can reach extreme levels.

Violating prohibitions

In this powerful aphrodisiac we can glimpse the secret of true freedom. We can see how repression produces the opposite effect. When we have sex prohibited, we generate more desire. Perhaps unconsciously, because we could be surpassing our own principles, and not wanting to admit it. How many great sexual experiences occur in situations of violating prohibitions? Persons prohibited, forbidden places, forbidden games, ages, races, genders, apples …

The power game

The power game also generates sex desire to most people. Power and submission, surrender and possession, BDSM… different denominations around the game of power, with varying limits and in many different contexts. An authoritarian or condescending boss, an abusive or very surrendered lover, an imposition, humiliation or showing extreme care. We find the power factor in almost all situations of life, especially in sex, and it is definitely the most used role-play as a sex game. Personally I use surrender&possession as a very effective technique of sexual therapy, especially in couples.

 Overcoming ambivalence

Wanting and not wanting … an ambivalence that helps to understand this aphrodisiac that often acts unconsciously. Suddenly we are with a person who had never wanted or not even had considered a possible lover, making real an unthinkable action a moment before. If we think about it, it means breaking the rules and our values, and surrender to an exciting present imposed on the scheduled past. And much more: Accept what we didn’t accept and open up to what we did not open. Acceptance and openness, the pillars of tantra.

Apart from these pillars of eroticism, as Jack Morin calls them, there are other factors that greatly affect our libido, and show that the most powerful aphrodisiacs are within you and is in your hands to use them.

Regularity as a permanent aphrodisiac

Throughout the years, I have observed that there are sexual habits that promote arousal and desire.

The regularity which we practice the techniques I describe below is crucial to achieve a high state of excitement. Each person must find their rhythm. It can vary widely: from several times a day to… once a week?.


It allows us to practice different techniques, such as breathing, voice and movement, using fantasies, do it in different ways, etc. If we are able to excite and give pleasure to ourselves, we will not feel needed, and this state of fullness promotes sexual excitement in relation to others. Regular masturbation is a healthy habit that keeps us connected to our sexual energy. The general belief regarding masturbation is often the opposite: That is a way to lose energy. It is as if we didn’t exercise all body and get fit to save energy.

Having orgasms

Here we have an example that is more important the way we do it than the object: As well as being obsessed and force them may be an anti-aphrodisiac, to provoke them, if it’s in a relaxed way, without great effort, helps to keep our bodies connected with the simplest way we humans have to reach ecstasy: the orgasm.


Squatting regularly helps to feel sexual excitement, if not abusing. Contrary to what many “tantric” beliefs, my own experience and what I’ve known from many men in my personal and professional life, confirms that ejaculating regularly helps to feel sexual.  Again, the optimal regularity for each individual varies wildly. In female ejaculation the effects of regularity are also aphrodisiacs.

Having sex

The practice creates and keeps the habit. And if we try to learn new techniques to add, change forms, situations, etc., we are also constantly changing habits so avoiding monotony. Having sex regularly is the most effective way to maintain sexual desire. Of course if we force it, we get the opposite effect.

Another aphrodisiacs

Having fantasies/Aim to perform them

Fantasizing about sex is a very aphrodisiac habit. Thanks to fantasies we can safely get aroused, exercise imagination and we always can add the above techniques. To enhance its exciting effect, simply increase the purpose of realizing them.

Mixing emotions

Emotions as varied as peace, anxiety, euphoria, joy, anger, guilt, love, etc., are soluble to the above described aphrodisiacs, so they can become an enhancer of excitement.


Having free time is one of the factors that influences us more to feel sexual and aroused. Therefore, the busy schedules and stress acts as a anaphrodisiac. We should consider it if we want to increase our desire.

Often I tell my clients that the effect of the solution found in a session depends on their commitment and practice in the future. In this case, only by the fact of knowing that the most powerful aphrodisiacs are within you, will facilitate their use at your convenience to increase or manage your  and other’s arousal. To make it easier, you can always seek help from a Sex Coach, to help you take advantage of this potential within you. In a Sex Coaching session sexuality is treated as a form of empowerment, and is the most effective way of coaching I’ve ever met.

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If you want to learn about this very effective way of using sexuality, sign up for the next Sex Coach Tantra Seminar: Healing and Transformation through Sexuality

Jordi Oller

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