Online Sex: Good Practices Handbook
Nothing like talking, whispering, moaning, shouting, touching, eating, kissing, sucking, pinching, penetrating, hugging, eating, hitting, licking, spitting, pissing, ejaculating, nibbling, stroking, blowing, looking, smelling, masturbating, listening, feeling, … natural. Nothing like that! But, if it is not possible or, as a very interesting practice (more than many imagine), we can have sex without touching each other, keeping our distance, either in the same place or through any kind of technology that allows us to see and listen. This online sex manual can help us a lot to enjoy and learn by having sex at a distance. For later, when we practice face-to-face sex, we’ll be able to enjoy it much more.
Practicing awareness. Tantric sex at your fingertips
Online sex allows us to enjoy and practice something very important in sex: Consciousness.
When get aroused having sex, our consciousness is altered, and we enter in a state of “trance”. It normally occurs when we get aroused by kissing, making love, having oral sex, or just hugging. When we practice sex online, we also get into a trance state when we become aroused, although, in this case, the direct physical stimulation is masturbation.
In a trance state we usually feel a lot of pleasure. It happens that, in trance, we are not very conscious. This is not an appropriate time to negotiate consent, for example. But we can be more aware in this state. This brings us to another dimension of sex. It is what is promoted in tantric sex. By being excited and aware at the same time, we can feel closer to our partner, united, we can communicate much better and feel much more love. It is achieved by practicing. Online sex is the perfect practice.
Know me and know you
Online sex requires continuous communication, which forces us to speak and be present. We will have to think about what we want and what we don’t want. We will have to value whether or not we are willing. Normally, it is not easy to know what we want. It is usually easier to know what we do not want. It is very good practice to think about what we want.
Remember that consent is always reversible. Therefore, it can never be unpleasant, because at the moment we do not feel well: We stop. And we communicate it with kindness and respect to our partner to redirect the game.
Aside from helping us get to know ourselves, online sex allows us to get to know our partner more than any other activity, including conventional sex. We will know what you like and what you don’t like, what your desires and fantasies are, what your limits are and how to expand them, what you are willing or unwilling to do. We can explore desire, love, surrender, domination, respect for our own limits and for other’s. With practice we will see that boundaries are not permanent obstacles, but rather provide extraordinary temporary spaces to explore. This will give us self knowledge and allow to know each other, will add value when we practice face-to-face sex, and we’ll have this knowledge forever.
We must know the rules of consent, which is what opens the space. The consent must be: FRIES
Free of coercion or conditioning. It must be taken without any pressure, in total freedom.
Reversible At any time we can change our minds and back down, without causing any guilt or disapproval.
Informed Must contain all the information about what to do, without exception.
Specific The more concrete the better, avoiding a generalization that can confuse.
Enthusiastic We must feel it from the heart, feel we like it. Both in what we want to do in the role of asking and what we are willing to do in the role of allowing. It is not about tolerating in any case.
Thanks to this knowledge, we can open absolutely safe spaces, which allow us to be generous to both, and thus be able to explore new experiences without fear or risk.
Computer or mobile. The mobile has the advantage that we can move it more easily. As a disadvantage, the screen is smaller. If we use a mobile it is better to have a tripod or gadget to have the option of fixing it. We use the front camera. We can also hold it with the hand and thus focus the areas of the body that we want, and bring it closer to the face to look closely. It is good to combine the fixed-mobile options.
Choose the best application for both: What’s app, Face Time, Viber, Google Duo, Skype, Messenger … Be careful with our privacy.
Keep in mind that we depend on the equipment for communication. We must move it or move our body to adjust the vision of the other. Let’s practice, as if we were professional cameras, for a better image. Sound is important, especially when listening to expressions of pleasure, so better with headphones than with a speaker, and better without a cable.
When broadcasting, a very small screen appears on the screen where we see the other person. We must look at this small screen to see what the other sees, and focus well on what we want to see or ask us to see.
Remember that the camera is our eyes. Let’s both give each other continuous instructions of what we want to see.
It is important to have a good net connection.
Let’s get acquainted with the language of sex
Sex language is not usually easy. We have the clinician: Genitals, Penis, Vagina, Testicles, Coitus, Fellatio … The childish: Willie, Funny Clapper, Fucky-Fucky… And the informal: Pussy, Cock, Fuck … We can use Yoni and Lingam as “tantric” forms. I don’t recommend saying: “Touch yourself down there”. Practice to get ride of shame. Use the words that you prefer. Since I recommend, take the informal?
The game starts!
In a comfortable and private place.
In this game one asks for what he wants, and the other gives himself up, surrenders, and he does it. It’s that simple.
Let’s apply the principles of consent well. Negotiate it so that we are both satisfied before we start, and be clear. Do not try to exceed the limit: A greater security of the surrendered, greater connection and generosity. It is better not to do so much and do it well than to do a lot and do it badly.
It is that, the one who asks, should like it. The one who allows or surrenders has to be willing, nothing more. That does not mean that the surrendered may love it, even more than the one who asks. Surrender has this magic.
Better too short than too long
While it’s okay to be flexible, we better make quick action requests. They are easier to fulfill and allow easier surrender. For example, a slow full movie striptease could be more difficult to do with pleasure than taking off a garment. But, whenever we are enjoying, go ahead! We communicate an action or concrete actions. If we want, specify the time, and set an alarm with the time that we have agreed for each action (1 minute, 5 minutes …).
Change roles… or not
Equal opportunities for both. But if we are both comfortable in a certain role: Perfect, go ahead, there is no need to change. However, it is always good to try the other role, and to be able to change whenever you want.
Let’s be kind and concrete in requests
Could you please do this for me? Would you like it…? Do you want to do it?
Let us accept the request always from the heart. If not, we negotiate or do something else. Better to do less but keep the surrender total.
Yes, I do it with pleasure…. Mmm… yes! I feel like it and I’m going to love doing it. Not, that not, something else.
I don’t know if I’m going to do that … At the moment I am doing the first thing, that I would like to do for you, with all my desire, to see how I feel … Is it okay for you to do that? Yes, it is. Or … No, not that. Would you do this other? Yes, with pleasure.
Question. Correct. Nod. Value
That’s OK? No, not like that, like this. A little more or a little less strong, soft, slow, deep, inside, outside, move your mobile closer, now look at the camera while you do it, etc.
Nod so you know he’s or she’s doing it right: Well, very well. That’s how I like it. Open your legs more, not so much. You do it very well! Stand on your side so I can see you better. I love it!. Do you like it? Carry on. Do not stop. How does this make me feel..!
Specify if it is for you or for me
Touch yourself so I can see it … do it knowing that you are making me feel so hot!. Now touch yourself as if I wasn’t here. Forget about me. Now masturbate for me, so I can see it… Or masturbate forgetting me, for your own pleasure.
Keep communicating continuously
Use the voice very often, to keep the connection conscious, especially who is asking for what he wants. If we stop talking, we will end up masturbating each of us on our own, which is not bad, but the connection will be much less. Let’s use our own words.
Like this, like this!. How much I like it! Show me… Are you Ok? Do you like it? Go on… I love it! Very good. I like it a lot. Do you like it? I didn’t know I could feel that …! I really want to cum! OMG! Use our names and pronouns that we want: darling, love, bastard, bitch, keep it up …! Now stop and look at yourself… Etc.
Expression expands pleasure to unsuspected levels. In addition, you provide valuable information about your state to your partner, and excitement spreads. Let’s moan and scream as much as we can.
We use masturbation to manage excitement, pleasure, and connection
Toys, lubricants, lingerie
They can expand the range of possibilities, but be careful not to close them if they become too much important.
Let it flow
If we enter a state where we are both very comfortable, let it flow: We take advantage of this state, honor our discoveries and forget about the game. Perhaps later we want to return, or perhaps it will lead to an even better state. If on the contrary it does not flow, we stop and return to the game. Remember that we must always stop if we are not comfortable, whatever our role.
It is always an option to end sex online with an orgasm if we can get it. It may also be a good option not to have it. Each person is different with respect to everything, but especially with orgasms and with ejaculation, both women and men. Let’s manage it in the most convenient way for each one. All options are good if they do not harm anyone. For men, in general, it is best not to ejaculate very often to keep up the energy. So perhaps we can keep the flame of desire burning permanently.
To take into account
Allow us not to get aroused and take it as a simple game.
Do not have a too high an expectation. We seek to entertain or have fun and, if we get excited, perfect, if not, also good.
A sexual relationship should never give us a hard time. If it happens to us, it is that something we are not doing well. We have probably not fully understood what consent means. Let’s review.
Let always think what our partner wants, without limits. If we don’t, we are forcing her or him to lie. We never blame ourselves for our thoughts or for the thoughts of others. Freedom of thought is protected by law. One thing is a thought and another is an action. In the same way that one thing is a fantasy and another is to have sex. Also, if we resist thinking about something, chances are we think more about it.
The experience of online sex is not only for having fun and learning in the moment. It also serves to remember and strengthen our love, passion and surrender –I will take into account what you have done for me – I will get excited remembering you like this–.
Let’s be creative!
If you want to book a private session, contact me by any means.
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