Erotic Massage for Healing Men by Caffyn Jesse
A world of good men
I want to live in a world where boys and men embrace their softness and sensitivity, their creativity and kindness. Can you imagine a world where these aspects of masculinity are honored and celebrated? This is a world where no child is shamed and filled with fear, whatever their gender presentation or sexual identity. It is a world where genital mutilation is consigned to history. Where boys and men are supported in healing their woundedness. Where men and women and those who are both or neither all learn to honor and cultivate the joys of soft penises and the inner world.
A stereotype
In the cultural construction of gender, men seem to have more permission to be sexual. This “permission” is actually a very narrow prescription: to be sexual with young women, to be sexual with hard penises, to be sexual in ways that assert the power and authority of phallic masculinity. How terrible this is for boys and men! In identifying with phallic masculinity, they are meant to become unfeeling, hard and closed. What then of the actual body, that still feels, fears and wants?
Men’s suffering
In my practice, I see men who suffer intense shame because they are experiencing one of the common sexual dysfunctions: premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, inhibited ejaculation. Or they feel shame because they are tuned in to the joys of anal eroticism, and have no permission to explore this in their lives. Other men suffer because they want no more of the sterile connections they have had with others and feel turned off sex. Some men feel extremely sexual, but have no place to express this. If they have been circumcised, they may carry trauma and scar tissue that inhibits intimacy. Some men feel compulsive and addicted in their masturbation practices, others feel inhibited and joyless. Some men feel shame about homosexual experience and desire. They feel shame about penis size and function. They can feel intense shame, grief, fear and paradoxical desires when contending with a personal history of anal rape. There are so many ways that men are wounded sexually, and yet we live in a culture in which there is no permission for men to explore, express and grieve how they are wounded around sex.
Erotic Massage as a Therapy
As givers of Erotic Massage, we are able to offer a unique gift to men. We touch them in ways that honor the whole body, and make no demand of them. As receivers of an erotic massage, they don’t need a hard penis. They don’t need to interact in ways that assert masculine authority and repudiate anal eroticism. We touch in ways that celebrate every penis as beautiful in its unique configuration. We can offer the embodied insight that the penis is not a phallus—not—or not only—a symbol of power and privilege—but a sensitive, vulnerable, soft compilation of tissue, nerves, blood and skin. We invite quiet contemplation of sexual sensation, and celebrate wild expressions of sexual pleasure. There are few men who do not find this form of erotic interaction healing, affirming, and liberating.
Extracted from the book: Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure by Caffyn Jeesse
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